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Now, I'm going to stop the anecdote right there and just declare this is where the lesson should have come in. So, naturally, this girl becomes angry, because Jerry seems distant. She sees Jerry giving some other girl a hug for a little bit longer than is normal, and she automatically accuses him of cheating: Does this look familiar to you? If you guys have any questions, comments, or concerns, feel free to let me know. The Divine Plan. It’s a conversation where they just talk about how things made them feel, rather than what they thought about certain things. ), ECA Stack: The Ultimate Guide For Beginners (Updated 2020), Ostarine (MK-2866) Review: How to Gain 18 Pounds of Muscle in 3 Months, 6 Incredible Benefits of NoFap: How NoFap Changed My Life, RAD 140: The Complete Newbie’s Guide to Testolone For Building Muscle, How to Get Six Pack Abs: 4 Key Tips to Get Abs Faster, Clean Bulking Diet: Get JACKED With This $100/Month Meal Plan. He’s made it pretty clear, and she knows that he likes this, but she decides to test him one day. So he comes up with a bunch of ways to respond to her problem, logically: Unfortunately, all of these comments will only escalate the situation. Why Do Girls Cheat? Why did I apologize? We may earn a commission from these links. You can't tell the most important stories about your past, can't reveal your imperfections, without it. He invites another girl over, they go clubbing, and end up having a threesome with Jerry. Let’s say that we have a man named Jerry, and he’s been dating a few women for a while. To grow up in a relationship — to grow into a man — you need to stop giving in. This is a very common thing that happens between men and women—men need space, and women need to understand this. I liked her. Arguable, I suppose. Try to realize how she’s feeling. Here are some examples of good responses: Do you see how these responses clearly come from an emotional state of mind? “I didn’t think it was a big deal!” This is a big mistake. (Plus 3 Negging Examples to Make Her Chase), Alpha Male Text Game: The 4 Types of Texts Women Send You, How to Actually Be An Alpha Male (Mindset vs. Behaviors), How to Talk to Girls: 3 Key Principles for Effortless Conversation, How to Get Laid FAST (Introduction to Screening), Top 5 Strongest Pre-Workout Supplements in 2020 (#3 is Like Meth), Ligandrol: The Complete Newbie’s Guide to LGD-4033 For Shredding Fat, The Steak and Eggs Diet: Shred Fat, Boost Testosterone, and Feel Like Zeus, 5 Critical Steps to Go From Skinny to Buff (Written By A Hardgainer! You hid this from me! This is typically a form of a shit test, where she’s testing you to see if you’re going to cave in like a little bitch or be a man and stand your ground. Nothing contained within the site is the advice, opinion or otherwise the view of any host, owner, server or other provider of services to Masculine Development. Now I see that love takes balls, even if they itch a little from time to time. Men try to come up with reasons why she should think a certain way or why she’s wrong, not realizing that she doesn’t want reasons, because she doesn’t want a logical response. The key point to remember here is that Jerry just literally doesn’t give a fuck. Most guys interpret not only conflict, but conversation with women as a logical map to follow. Did you notice how, in this example, Jerry wasn’t confrontational? You won't be able to go about things in the way you normally would. To be fair, she could just be telling you to take out the fucking trash, because it stinks or something. In other words, don’t try to logicize, don’t try to form analytical argument, don’t try to explain away why she should feel a certain way. This simple difference between men and women is where 99% of disagreements and arguments come from. Caitlyn: Don’t want to lie?! "Well, I don't think you should be doing that," she said. Don’t try to make her feel bad for feeling a certain way; just acknowledge how she’s feeling and respond with how you feel. I thought you liked me! To be fair, sometimes it is, but when it comes to arguments the issue is almost always emotional. Sometimes, women will also start arguments over dumb little things. What a dope. For women, their right brain, or intuitive/emotional side, is typically much stronger than their left brain, or logical/analytical side. Human beings have two “brains,” so to speak: our logical side, and our emotional side. I can only say this would have saved me years of desperately trying to please this woman, and women in general, by apologizing for what I am — a talky, generous, misguided ball-scratcher. You need to stop apologizing. Don't fight over little details and talk over the big ones when you are calm enough to do so without fighting. The next morning, I might have learned the most important lesson that love has to offer. Minutes later, still talking, I did it again. If you ever want to know anything about the girls I’m seeing, just ask. It is courage that allows you to step into the jaws of trust. [want to be exclusive]” She senses that he’s not being honest and storms off, feeling five times worse than she did when she first confronted Jerry. Jerry: I-I just didn’t think it was a big deal, I mean-. [as he’s saying this he slowly gets closer and puts his hands around her waist], Caitlyn: You really feel that way about me, Jon? There is no honesty without it. Say, for example, that your girlfriend is yelling at you: “You didn’t take out the trash AGAIN? She wants to see if she can get him to cave in, or feel bad for his own desires, but he doesn’t fall for it. Caitlyn: I can’t believe you! He didn’t try to hide it from her, but she just never asked. So when you try to logicize her problems away, what does she think? Notice how he talks about emotions rather than facts: And just like that, they start making out and have passionate make-up sex. But you can win. The Best Whey Protein Guide You’ll Ever Read (Updated 2020), Change Your Thoughts Change Your Life: The #1 Mindset Shift For Success, “I didn’t take it out, because you didn’t throw away your clutter yet!”, “I didn’t take it out, because I’m tired from work.”, “I don’t feel like taking it out today, I’ll do it some other time.”. We drowsed and drifted. Stop it! You need to stop apologizing. We lay there naked while she talked about the Louisville advertising firm where she was a receptionist. Let’s say that Jerry is also dating multiple girls, and one of them finds out. This woman looked at me then, and asked me if I wanted her to be completely honest with me. Practice, practice, practice. To win an argument with a woman, you need to stop giving in. With women, however, problem-solving isn’t a very important virtue. As men, this is hard for us to understand, because if we tell a male friend about a problem, we typically want him to help us figure it out. Let me show you my phone, though. The next day my cock-blocking friend Bill asked her out and slept with her, and I had to wait weeks for that to sour. It could have happened right there in my bedroom. "Well," she said, "I feel a little funny saying this." I was too young. Often times, women don’t want you to solve their problems. It’s been like 3 days!”. During an argument with a woman, men typically think that her problem is “logical,” when it’s really emotional. (Even if You’re a “Good” Boyfriend), How to Talk to Girls: 3 Key Secrets For Effortless Conversation With Girls, What Do Women Want in a Man? I believed then that love was simply a matter of submission and apology. But, she doesn’t express her anger in a direct manner, because most women typically don’t. As you read the following conversation, notice how he’s getting to the underlying emotions. I need to explain why she shouldn’t be mad,” but this is completely wrong. Caitlyn: WELL WHY DIDN’T YOU BRING IT UP WITH ME?! Keeping quiet would show them that you respect them and then they would return the same respect to you. Here’s some of the other girls that I’ve been seeing. People usually fight over the most trivial things and often it is becuase the real recent hurt was not shared. Instead, it took me twenty-eight years to figure out. But even then, on that very first morning, I wanted to love her, and I wanted to be loved. Arguing with girls, like yoga, is a meaningless and inane exercise. Jerry: Baby, I know that you’re mad—but I just don’t want to settle down until I’m 100% sure that I love you. They always come back to me, asking me: “Jon… can you teach me how to get your ex girlfriend back?” I always tell them… first, learn to communicate on the level she wants you to communicate at. If I was worth it, then she would have come back. Again, using the last example, say that she is angry you didn’t take out the trash: “You didn’t take out the trash AGAIN? She’s trying to communicate that she’s sad, hurt, and maybe jealous or feeling insecure. If this is the case, you can just laugh it off. If you’re bland and boring, you won’t get any harsh rejections, but you also won’t get any girls that love you. So she went on. A guy who, also for years, worked under the assumption that apology represents a desirable form of intimacy in itself, a guy who lacked the fortitude — the courage — to risk a little loss in the declaration of self. S saying and try to logicize her problems away, but you ’ ll how to win an argument with a woman. 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